The Deep End

Rarely do I blog about anything other than my life, but I thought I should dedicate some space to the new ABC show "The Deep End." I'm in love. The show depicts the life of first year associates, fresh out of law school, and new attorneys in the legal world. Its hilarious and so realistic, at the same time. So that's my plug!

In other news, I start my new job on Monday. I'm a bit nervous, because of all bad rumors about the office and the sole partner. Of course, once I have finally landed something, the requests for interviews start pouring in. I had another great interview yesterday at a firm in Quincy, that focuses on railroad law. Interestingly enough, my friend Susan recently left the firm. She enjoyed working there, but left for personal reasons.

Unfortunately, I stressed myself out about the interview, because I already have a job. I'm just nervous about what will happen, if this actually comes through. And then of course, I don't know if this is actually what I want. I'm not sure what I want, besides a legal job, where I can put my degree to work. Moreover, I'm freaked about moving etc. Its all stressing about things that haven't even happened yet, but it just let it all get to me!

Finally, some of the most exciting news is that I hit the 20 pound mark today. Actually its 20.5 pounds, but I'm happy all the same!

Day 20 of 20!

The title says it all. I've stuck to my workout plan and dieting for another week. Tomorrow starts the third week of South Beach, where I can move into Phase 2. There are more foods to eat and enjoy, however, I might try to stick out Phase 1 another week or two. I've seen really good results with the combination of South Beach and working out, so I plan to continue. I've lost an additional 3 pounds since my last post, so my total weight lost is currently 19 pounds.

Next week, I start working a REAL law job. Its almost unbelievable that I'll finally be working, using my degree. I'm excited and nervous about it at the same time. Either way, it'll be good to start working full-time. I'll also continue working the weekend at the restaurant; the extra money is well worth the time!

In other happy news, my mom got denied for lap band surgery. I know it sounds harsh that I'm happy about this, but I truly did not think this surgery would be the best solution for her. I think she's been really unhappy with her weight, so her solution was this surgery so it would be a quick and easy fix to the problem. Unfortunately, most people that make the decision to have lap band surgery as a quick fix, will gain the weight back, because they don't stick to the diet plan that's required after the surgery.

Even though, she's not going to have the surgery, she has been working out everyday and dieting with weight watchers. She seems to be happy with herself and her success so far. If she's determined enough, she'll reach her goals by working out and dieting.

Day 14 of 14!

One of my main goals of 2010 is to be truly comfortable with my body. So for the past 14 days, I've been working out almost every day, I've only missed 3 days so far. For the first week, I tried to diet by just eating less. That didn't produce a lot of results, so last week, I started the South Beach diet.

Its not as hard as people made it out to be. While there is a lot of food you can't eat, there's a ton of food you can eat. As of last Thursday, which was only day 4 of South Beach, I'd lost 2.5 pounds. Since I haven't weighed myself in since then, I don't know where I am at now. But I feel good, so I think that's all that really matters.

I enjoy being able to eat a lot of cheese and meat. The only things I really miss is potatoes. Any kind: white or sweet. After phase 1 of south beach, you can start eating sweet potatoes again, which I think will make me very happy! I did have a few instances where I found out after I ate something that it wasn't on the approved food list, but I don't think its going to kill me. I have deliberately cheated yet. If I've gotten through a week of it without cheating, I think I'll be ok.

Happily since May, which is a big measuring point for me, I've lost 16 pounds. I'm hoping to lose about another 15 pounds before the summer.

In addition to dieting, my workout routine includes the Biggest Loser Cardio Max DVD. I always thought workout videos would be a joke, but I have to say I sweat a lot while using this video. And as corny as it is, I like doing it. I'm looking to purchase another one soon, because I know the first 2 routines by heart now.

In other news, my mom is also working hard to lose weight. She got a Wii for Christmas and has been doing the Wii Fit a lot. But she's also currently applying to get the lap band surgery. I'm not crazy about this idea at all. I haven't told her how I feel yet, but I've had a lot of questions. I'm not crazy about unnecessary surgeries. I know she isn't healthy at her current weight, but I also don't think she's worked to find a good plan for her yet. She hasn't been approved yet for the surgery, so hopefully in the meantime she's going to continue working hard to lose weight on her own. I love my mom and want her to be happy, I'm just nervous about the surgery.

A good friend of mine lost her Dad during gastric bypass two years ago. I know gastric bypass is different than the lap band, but its risky surgery none the less. I'd never want to have to live through the nightmare she has.

Here's to the New Year!

I don't think I could be more glad that 2009 is over with. I have to say it wasn't the easiest year for me, but I'm glad that I went through the struggles I did, to really appreciate where I am now.

I've focused a lot of my blog on failing the bar, the first time around. While I don't think it says anything about me, the whole process (the denial, acceptance, perseverance, and finally succeeding) means something to me. I pushed through something that others would have given up on, and I did so with flying colors. I don't think my adventure is all that exciting or interesting for some people, I do think at some point in my life, I'd like to help other students that have been in the same position I was. I think it could be very beneficial. I know I could have used someone to talk to, when I failed, that had been through the same thing.

I truly believe 2010 will be an awesome year. I'm a licensed attorney, with a job. I can only foresee things getting better from here on out. While I've always said it may take me longer to get there, I'll get there. I will succeed and I'll do it with pride!

I'll leave this blog with some words of wisdom: be happy in what you do. Be good or be good at it. Don't just go through life making the motions, enjoy your life and laugh.

FINALLY!!

Ok, so I feel like I unintentionally abandoned my blog, so I'm here to reclaim it! Here goes: finally, after all the hard work, sweat and tears, I passed the bar! I don't think I could have been more elated and emotional about it. I actually happened a few weeks ago, but I just haven't had the time to sit down and write about it.

It was Wednesday, October 28th and I was driving back from an afternoon in Manchester. I got a text from Sue, stating that she saw on a website that Mass bar results were out. I immediately panicked and had to pull the car over. I had been waiting weeks for this day, but I was suddenly so unprepared for it. I had already been to the mailbox once that day, and with living in a small town, the mail only comes once a day. Either way, it was close to five o'clock so I knew I had to at least try to get there before 5pm to check the mail again.

I ran in and went straight to our P.O. Box. I open it and staring at me is a letter. I freaked. I picked up and of course, it was junk mail. It was such a tease! I get back home and I'm a mess. I'm all freaked out about the results. I was pacing, couldn't sit still and generally a nervous wreck. We discussed a plan for the morning.

Generally the mail isn't out until 10am. Therefore, the plan was for Pete and I (I couldn't do it alone) to head to the mail box at 10 am. I could hardly sleep that night. I woke up at 9 am on Thursday and tried to force myself to stay in bed longer. I didn't want to rush to the mailbox and not have it be there. Finally, I couldn't contain myself any longer. I got up and rushed around throwing clothes on. Tim yelled to me because he couldn't understand what I was doing. I finally just said, I have to go, now! I can't wait. Even if its not there, I can't wait any longer.

Tim asked if he could join me, and I told him yes as long as he was dressed to leave immediately. We jumped into his car and sped off to the post office, maybe a 2 mile drive away. So we get there. I throw my seat belt off and am rushing to get out of the car. Tim decided to come with me. We go to the box, and for a brief moment, I tried to stop and remember this day, because I knew it would be good. Finally, I opened the box, and there it was. The letter I had been waiting for. I screamed, "Its here, its right on top." I couldn't contain the excitement.

We grabbed the letter, but I couldn't leave without first getting Pete and Beth's mail too. I thought that would only be appropriate. We get to the car, and we're both unsure of what to do next. So I gave Tim the letter, he held it, and then he had the dog kiss it for good luck. He handed it back to me, but I couldn't open it right away. I was just trying to soak it all in, and say my last minute prayers. But before I opened it, I flipped it over, and right through the paper, I could clearly see "Congratulations!" I went a little crazy. I must have yelled something like "I passed," but Tim couldn't understand what was going on. I ripped open the letter and started reading it. I dawned on him what i was trying to tell him. We were yelling, hugging and I was crying. It was so emotional.

We left the post office and I immediately called my mom. She answered the phone and while I am still crying, I just blurted out "I passed!" Of course, she starts crying on the phone too.

It was such an emotional day. I cried, I celebrated and I felt at ease, for the first time in a long time. I am being sworn in on Tuesday, and I can't wait for this part of the journey to be over. Its still hard to believe that on Tuesday I will be a licensed attorney!

In other news, I also have a job interview lined up next week. After all the cover letters, writing samples and resumes I've sent out, I've finally started to see results. Even if this job doesn't come to fruition, its a start. No matter what happens, things are looking up and I have a lot of people to thank for that!

Epiphany

A few days ago, I finally had this amazing epiphany about my life and what I've been going through. When I first failed the bar, I was devastated and in complete denial. I went through this period where I thought the bar was going to send me this letter and let me know there was a mix-up, that I really had passed the bar. I was so deep in denial that I had failed.

When I really started studying in Kentucky, I was able to move past the denial and get down to work. Clearly being a lawyer is something I have always wanted to be, and I'm not going to give it up.

I was in the kitchen a few days ago with the Petes, and Big Pete turned to me and said, "I think you're here for a reason right now." I didn't have to stop and think because I completely agreed with him. I think everything that I've gone through in the past year was for a reason. I think I failed the bar because I needed to realize my life wasn't going in a good direction. I also think I failed the bar because it forced me to leave a relationship, that already wasn't working.

I think it all happened for a reason. It gave me a wonderful summer with my parents and Freddie, which I probably would have never had but for failing the bar. It gave me re-direction on my life and determination to reach my goals. It also reminded me that NH is home. Coming here after a summer in Kentucky, I now know I want to be in NH; this is my home and always will be. Finally, I am ok and I am at peace with the fact that I failed the bar.

I feel like as horrible as it was when I failed the bar and how devastated I was, its ok now. I am going to be a lawyer, I am going to get a job and I am going to achieve my goals.

Tribute to Freddie

Freddie, our dear golden retriever, unfortunately passed away today. He's been sick for quite some time and the vet finally told my parents today that it was cancer, they just couldn't locate it in his body. Because he's been losing so much weight and inability to control his body, the vet said it was really time for him. My parents were with him when he was put to sleep and they're both crushed from his loss.

Freddie was a very loyal dog, and enjoyed most of his days with my dad, at work. He went every day until this summer. Since I was home all day, my dad would leave him with me while I studied because all he did was sleep anyway. He did enjoy our study breaks for a snack and quick walk to the mailbox. He even enjoyed laying out by the pool. As long as someone was close by, Freddie was happy.

Freddie came to us from a rescue shelter in Alabama. When he was found, they believed he was likely about 8 years old and had been on the street for sometime. Although we only had Freddie for 6 years, he was a great addition to our family and will surely be missed.

Below are some of my favorite pictures of Freddie from this summer.



Freddie looks kinda unhappy in this last picture. I think that's because it was the day I left Kentucky and the last time I got to see him.